I am not asked to be an after-dinner speaker often, but as Burns Night approached, the phone rang…
The Chairman of Royston & District Round Table used his charm. I remember the daunting feeling of not really knowing where to begin, so I thought I would dig out my speech and share it online should other lassies find themselves in a similar position.
Traditionally, the ‘Reply From The Lassies’ is in response to the toast to the lassies from the laddies. It is supposed to be humorous and entertaining, no pressure there then.
A Reply To The Laddies On Behalf Of The Lassies
Ladies, Gentlemen, Tablers, 41 Club… I thank you for the opportunity to reply on behalf of the lassies. Thank you Graham for your kind words.
So, it would appear this reply is an excellent opportunity to focus on the vices and lack of morality of the laddies, but I have been told we are keeping the speeches short, so I can’t be mentioning all of them.
I thought I might focus on the similarities between Robbie Burns and the guys of Royston Round Table. Now let’s see, Robbie, unusually for his day, viewed ladies as equals, yet he was a bit of a womaniser, he liked his drink and had his fair share of debauchery…
Re the drinking…
Let me tell you, I’ve been tangled up in the odd Sunday evening ‘business meeting’ at the pub. I can confirm the drinking bit, and the debauchery bit. It is utterly pointless asking any of these guys for ‘just a water’, you take your life in your hands by getting involved.
Re the debauchery, I have also witnessed some impressive erections…
There was the time the guys offered to erect the market stall for me. A plethora of poles everywhere, a lot of head scratching and in response to my helpful suggestion of marking the poles for future use their reply was a resounding, ‘Where’s the fun in that?’
Continuing the theme of erections…
The Round Table camping weekend. Each new family arrives, tired, in the knowledge that they have the ordeal of erecting their tent. The guys rally forth, bringing chairs, wine, and Pringles and form a helpful semi-circle to watch the entertainment. Helpful hints from the circle are usually forthcoming.
We love our Tablers, and wouldn’t have them any other way (mostly) But, in support of the poor, long-suffering lassies who love their laddies, vices and all, I’d like to share this little story with you.
Ladies – I received chain letter recently, unlike most chain letters, this one looked promising, so I kept it.
It read ‘This letter was started by a woman like yourself in the hope of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Just bundle up your husband or boyfriend and send him to the woman whose name appears at the top of the list. Then, add your name to the bottom of the list and send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 3,125 men – at least one of them is bound to be better than the one you gave up.‘
Ladies, please charge your glasses…
On behalf of the lassies I would like to thank you, members of Round Table and 41 club, for organising a splendid evening and a chance to bring us all together in friendship. Please charge your glasses..
Ladies, may I ask you to raise your glasses and join me in a toast to the Laddies
If you should feel the need to hire me as an after-dinner speaker or content writer, please contact me